VieN: The Anti-hero

"The Antihero is someone with some of the qualities of a villain, up to and including brutality, cynicism, and ruthlessness, but with the soul or motivations of a more conventional Hero." [source: http://www.flowerstorm.net/disa/Gallery/anti-explain.html ]
Examples are; Raito Yagami (Death Note), Lelouch Lamperouge (Code Geass), Gregory House (House MD).

Basically, you can either love them or hate them. If you can read them like a book.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a "villain" in people's eyes.
Well, I kind of noticed this a long time ago. I know I've been harsh. I can't remember since when I adapted that attitude. Sometimes I intentionally do it to test people. If you can endure my sarcasm, then congratulations! You've passed!

Perhaps, I inherited this sarcastic behaviour from my mother. And the way I meant for it as a joke was often misunderstood as an insult because I have this serious shit look on my face. Some people are just too sensitive. But they had no idea that I have my own sensitivity too, which I barely show because I'm too secretive.

My own sensitivity may lead to a slip up due to my short temper. From being too cynical, I can become totally direct. I made my victim angry. I made a girl cry. But I didn't do it because I like it. Often I did it as a part of my vengeance - "you made me feel bad before, and this is how I repay you". If you cry because of what I said, then please think if what you said has a potential to hurt someone else. One can be sensitive, but only for him/herself but not to those around you.

Funny how I was condemn for stating something careless, but I was condemn again when I criticize someone else for being careless. When in truth I was siding the person who condemn me to make up for what I said. And when I finally have the spirit to cooperate, someone else was bursted the bubble. So I had to do something... something I failed to do and should have done during my previous leadership. I had to inflict a pressure, I had to exert a force. For a friend's sake and another.

...
But they saw me as an antagonist. They don't see the good beyond my poisonous words. They don't know, and they will never know. And I will never know but to only guess the wrongs I did. I am an anti-hero indeed.

I guess it's like I intentionally make people hate me because I think people are better off without a b1tch like me. I don't wanna be a friggin' important person in someone else's life. Let's say I fear the thing called 'attachment'. It's for the greater good, ne?

Indirectly, I seem to be portraying my alter-ego's (My Original Character; Agent Vulpine) given personality as a lone ranger kuudere. I think I'm reaching the goal.

Hate me all you want. I'm still a friend.
I permit you to talk badly of me behind my back, I don't mind. For I might do the same to you. But I will still be there as a friend.
I may have something against any of you, but that does not mean that I hate you so I continue treating you as normal. I don't believe in hating each other just because we're stupidly dislike each other's qualities. I'll still befriend you.
Even if you turn a blind eye to the friend in me, it does not stop me from being a friend.
I'm not biased, I'm not picky. I'm not the type that categorize who I should treat nicely or who I should treat badly. Regardless of the way I treat you, I treat you all the same. Isn't that what a 'friend' is supposed to be like? Go figure.
I don't care if you regard me otherwise. I'm an anti-hero after all.

In the end, only God is responsible for our judgement.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone. There, I apologize. The remnants of the problem is up to you.

Last but not least; here's an important reminder. Don't bother celebrating the birth of this particular fiend. Don't waste your gil. Don't waste your time. I don't anyone to be forced to go for a yippie-yay partay when the fact is that they don't want to. I'm not worth it. I hurt people. A simple wish is more than enough. Present me some peace and quiet then I'll be happy.

All about Comic Artist

Amik dari pergh (nanti post kat situ lak)
===================================================



General Information
Name (or nickname) : VulpineNinja/VieN
Place of Birth/ Date : KL
Hometown : KL
Education : Taking degree
Comicography or working experiences) : none


Artistic background.
1. Were you particularly artistic when you were child?
I like to draw since I was a kid, yes. I'm not sure what it means by artistic though.

2. When did you discovered yourself as a talented (artist/writer)?
Although I've been drawing all my life, I think I finally realized my talent when I was in form 1 (13 years old) where I started to get serious.

3. Did you study art formally? Where or when and for how long?
3 years when I was in form 1 - form 3, but I really sucked at Visual Arts Education. Then I took the subject for my SPM.

4. How do you become interested in comics? Did you read them as a child? And did it inspire you to create comics?
I think it started off with Sailormoon. First it was the anime, and then I found the manga and bought it. The manga was like 10 times better than the anime, and I fell in love with the art. Yes it did inspire me to draw a comic. I drew a stupid mahou shojo comic LOL.

5. Did you read many different genres of comics?
Mahou shojo - Sailormoon, Magic Knight Rayearth, Cardcaptor Sakura (I don't like this one though).
A bunch of shonen manga starting from Rurouni Kenshin. But most shonen manga now are getting more and more absurd + draggy (like Bleach and Naruto) so I dropped them. Shonen that I still read is Fairy Tail and Soul Eater. Sports themed aren't my cup of tea, but I do read Eyeshield 21 mainly because of Murata Yuusuke's artistic skills.
For light reading, I read some simple shojo manga.
Other than that, there's Josei and Seinen, for more complex mindfakking.


6. What are your favourite comics?
Rurouni Kenshin, Magic Knight Rayearth, Eyeshield 21, Soul Eater, ARMS


7. Who are your favorite comics artist/writer?
Nobuhiro Watsuki, Murata Yuusuke, Modoru Motoni


8. Story and drawing are the most important elements in comics. Which one do you prefer should be the best at the first place - drawing or story?
At first it's the art that attracts me. The story is judged later. But even if the story is good, with not so good it's a turn off. But i've seen not-so-good artwork with promising story. But then if u wanna enter a competition you art HAS to be PRETTY NO? And to publish the comic in magz editors will criticize your drawing and tell you to make it prettier NO??

So i say it's a balance of both, and both needs to be high quality.

9. Did your favorite comics both in art and story influence your style in any way?
clothes - RuroKen
Expression/emotion - ES21

10. Inspite of comics stuff, is there any particular influences to your work, such as literature, music(song), movies, animation or perhaps famous people?
I havent exactly drawn comics, but I did design the characters and plan the story.
Literatue - from fairy tales, especially brother's Grimm
Music - mostly from my fave bands; Linkin Park, My Chemical Romance, Nightwish, Within Temptation... and other titles.
Movies - Pirates of the Carribean!
Animation - too many to list XD

Working Process
1. Where and how did you get the ideas for your comics?
If you see my Twin Paradox, it's based on life experience.
Other ideas are from mythological stuff and also based on what I learn in my course.

2. What do you think about telling story through pictures? How complicated it is?
It's more complicated to draw it than read it. And it's complicated if readers don't see the way you do in from certain perspective and angles.

3. Do you make dummy or raw sketches first? Then go on to detail artwork?
Yup I draw from the base. I draw simpler clothing before adding any design i want. But it takes time...

4. Can you describe your working method from story content to finished drawing page?
write the plot or outline of the story first. Depending on what genre, I list down key items and describe them. Depends on the number of characters, I write sidestories for them (flashbacks, specials - development purposes). Then I write the dialogues - tentative. I may decide to add something else in the drawing process. Then draw out the panels, do base sketch for characters and background, later add the details. Then ink... finally do some touch ups.

Opinion and self-refelexivity
1. Do you see any differences between cartoonist and comic artist?
Yes. Cartoonist draw and animate cartoons. the person behind cartoon drawing. It could either be responsible for animation or posters. Comic artist draw comics.

2. What are the advantages and disadvantages of comics medium ?
Advantage: Conveying a message visually is more effective.
Disadvantage: You dislike reading wall of text.

3. What qualities make such a good comics?
Most importantly; the message and moral of the story.
Then comes originality, creativity and skill.

4. What do you think about the global comics scene? Are you up to date with their issues?
I'm pretty much ignorant about most things....

5. Did you think comics reflects the life of their times?
It may not look like it, but deep down it could be.

7. At what degree did you agree that the way of thinking or the people lifestyle reflected through the comics?
uh i dont get it but I think it's a good idea. you know, to tell the world how it is like to be in a particular oppurtunity and see how weird people view things.

8. About our local comics, does it reflecting the lives of most Malaysians?
Barely. M-komik has the potential. Lawak campus also reflects our school life, same goes for under-18. But the newest school themed comic in Gempakstarz doesn't because I don't feel related to the theme and story at all.

9. Amid the influx of foreign comics and its popularity amongst local reader, is it enriching or threatening creativity and/or identity of local comics?
Threatening. because most comic artist tend to be more influenced on foreign culture and styles rather than be inspired by their creative mechanism. I don't mind if we wanna adapt manga style, but c'mon... the concept! For instance, the Japanese mangaka took historical elements or 'retell' history in their own way (Samurai, ninja, etc), but Malaysians take the influence as 'copying' the samurai characters instead of be inspired to write about something based on our own history. Some Malaysian comic artist like to 'pretend' that they know all about Japan, but isn't it better if we use our own roots and origin and lifestyle because we understand them much better? So we already saw a few glimpse of Japanese lifestyle from Japanese comics, how about we give the world a glimpse of our own lifestyle (be it in a negative or positive aspect)?.

Tagged by Zu

1. anda rasa anda hot?
oh no. no way. unless you mean hot tempered then... yes la.

2. upload gambar kesayangan anda.


3. kenapa anda suka and sayang gambar ni?
Gambar kucing aku. Susah nak dapat gambar dia bermata bulat.


4. lagu terakhir yang anda dengar?
Amaranth - Nighwish

5. selain daripada nama anda sendiri, anda suka dipanggil dengan nama apa?
- Fnd
- VieN/VN
- Vulpie/Vulpy/Vul

6. tag 7 orang lagi tanpa kekesalan
malas la nak tag sbb tag ni tak best....

Nihongo Class

I enrolled myself to a Japanese Class. Just in UM, not too far from my residential college :D

It's not like the usual Japanese Class, for this class only focus on conversation and a little bit of writing. There's a test to get a certificate, but if you want to sit for Japanese proficiency test you have to negotiate with the sensei.

I thought of going with a friend, who seemed interested at first but in the end she couldn't join. Then there's ookami-senpai who got pretty excited when I told him about it, although he is currently taking Japanese Language as the university's elecive course. He even told me to scan it, which I did, but not immediately lol. So when I finally did, I told him to e-mail the person-in-charge or call him. But he didn't do it until the day before the class, which he ended up not going because he had other matters to attend to =__=
LOL I wasted my time explaining the class to him!!! D:< style="font-style: italic;"> SIGH I could at least hope someone might have watched and fangirled over Jdrama if not into anime!

Okay I'm talking badly behind people's back. I admit I got nervous while introducing myself that I spoke too fast and slipped up.

And it looks like someone in the class has almost the same name as I did... so... after a long time of not telling people to call me by my pseaudonym, i finally had to say "Fnd to yonde kudasai".

Next we have to practice introducing ourself with another person, where I observed more of awkwardness in mouth movements and stiff fluency which makes it look unnatural. Sensei gives them comments. Then it comes to my turn, with another guy. He seemed to be able to speak naturally, so I responded... naturally too. Since I'm used to saying random things in Japanese and used to hearing the speech, it went just fine (and i'm love with my voice when I speak full nihongo MWAHAHAH narcissism~). "Now that sounds more like a real Japanese conversation," sensei praised us 8D

we learnt some hiragana at the end of the class. Which I expected that the strokes needs the specific order to write the characters.

Although I'm pretty much ronery there (heck my main objective is to learn nihongo, ne?), I look forward to the next class. =D

Code Geass R2 Review

Yeah I know it's a little late but... I just finished watching this a few months back. And I really wanna make a review on this before I start reviewing another anime which I want to compare with Code Geass.

Firstly, I'll summarize my thoughts on the first season:
I remember when I watched the first episode, it totally reminds me of a mixture of Death Note and Gundam SEED. 'Death Note' because of Lelouch Lamperouge's strategical anti-hero demeanor. Gundam SEED, not because of the mecha but because of the childhood friend theme between Lulu (if I may call him XD) and Suzaku. The first chapter succeeded making me want to know more on what is going to happen. As I moved on to the next episodes, I discovered and interpreted a lot of things that we can relate to the real world. Like how a so-called organization is falsely accused as terrorist when Order of the Black Knights real goal is to free Japan from the clutches of Britannia. Also the fact that you shouldn't be ignorant to something you think has nothing to do with you until somebody close to you is involved. Especially when it comes to war. I dunno about you guys, but Code Geass totally mindfakked me with all those emotional scenes, relationship conflicts and antagonistic opinions. Several messages of different aspects and from various perspective are portrayed in the story (I dunno which example should I take); you don't see this in every war-themed anime there is.

Apparently C.C. is like, the most popular female character in CG. But oh well, I tend not to like
'celestial being' characters as heroines (Belldandy, Mizuho Kanami to name a few) because... they're old. LOL. And they're not human - they're not supposed to be paired up with a human. So I like Kallen Kouziki best. Someone said that she's stupid, but that's because he worships C.C. like a goddess. Kallen is WIN because she's a strong girl who's in the process of learning things through experience. I love her strength, her determination, her loyalty to ZERO... yeah maybe that's stupid - but I like her protectiveness to her ward.

Oh yea... and another thing. GEASS... how something supernatural can be used in a real world battle *_*
Now on to Code Geass R2...

A contninuation from the previous paragraph; I like the fact that even 'ZERO' has personal dillema when it comes to friendship and family. Looking at how pure Lulu (and Cornelia) loves his sister, Nunnally (Euphemia in Cornelia's case) kind of inspired me to appreciate my sister more, and probably my other relatives. I mean, some of my friends are quite surprised at my thoughtfullness towards my sibling and cousins - In truth, I'm surprise how other people's siblings treat each other like strangers.

Anyways... new characters! At first I hated Rollo for being a substitute to Nunnally. Then I hated him more for being a yandere. Until finally I understand why he's obsessed with Lulu so much... I wanted to love him but it's too late.......

I don't really know how to describe R2 in detail, but overall, I think I like the first season better. True I admit that I'm curious to know what will happen to Lulu and C.C. and the rest of the Black Knights... and also Cornelia (she's the 2nd female that I like. Probably because I can relate to her...). Towards the end R2 is straying too much further from logic. I know Geass is the source of illogical things, but when it comes to the Ragnarok thingy I almost stopped watching. But I'm glad the series made up with it by electing Lulu as an emperor.

Some characters may appear pointless up to the point that I couldn't care less when they're dead. But I try to see the significance of their existence. Okay, they may not contribute much in the more serious issues, but they serve to represent 'civillains' who does not know much about what is really going on, and as something to show how much human the anti-hero is.

Some episodes make you cry. The ending makes you cry. And if you can't get enough of crying... watch Nunnally's regret message in youtube. I cried again. T_T

....

My review sucks. XD

First Update

Truth be told, I'm not too keen about writing blogs anymore. Especially with with all these assignments piling up and all my hobbies I prioritize more, frankly I lack the time for 'diary' writing.

I've been confessing and pouring out my pented up emotions some place else.

But maybe I should restart this blogging thing over again. I'd probably write review on movies, books or opinions on stuff here. I'd try to avoid any personal messages. unless it has something to do with general stuffs.

I'm not too keen on updating blog design either so sue me.

-VN

Suki...desu ka?

Actually I found this in my draft. I fancy rereading it. It feels like reading someone else's post. I think I shouldn't keep it locked up forever so here I set it free!


-----

My insides have been slowly freezing perhaps below zero degrees, although I continued breathing. Unexpectedly I am able to survive without the so called 'sunlight', because I have a bunch of colourful fireflies and around me. Then I re-vowed to keep my guard up again, but at the same time just enjoying a few eye-candy and have fun with a virtual hubby >///>

I'm so scared to death to get hurt by happiness, which I myself assume would only last temporarily.

....

I was somehow elected to be involved in something big and serious, but the night I wanted to back out was also the night I came to get interested and agreed to fight together due to sympathy. I feel like I was forced to join, and I forced myself to join... pawned by the lead.

fine fine... it's just work. Then I'll work for experience although I know how lousy and inefficient I am, but I guess I'll just fill in the blanks. However, I regret not proposing for a partner (although I have many subordinates that I couldn't depend on too much..?) as I know I can't work alone. But somehow my ego wants to show the world that I am independent. Look what happens now, I suffer a solitary challenge. I have to endure it... Doing work with a few ounces of sincerety.

...

And for some reason it was worth it...?

....

In the first few serious discussion, we were randomly seated. Suggestions, opinions, ideas exchanged...notes written down, taking orders...faking enthusiasm..? Some interesting word pop up, a feel several taps on my shoulder. How annoying. I turned to response, and was inquired by a colleague what the word means. A new found acquaintance though we had lived in the same area for a year. I answered, coldly at first... but he still have no clue what it was. Somehow...I find it very...adorable.

....

And what is with this random lock-eyes?? Forget it, Vulpy, it's probably a coincidence. Jangan perasan la orang pandang, bak kata Prof Roslan. (nak perasan jugak!!)

....

I barely have enough friendliness to join a colleague in a meal...except for this case. Probably faking friendliness.... or just simply acting normal... or just wanna take this chance to...to talk to him. >///> ...and discover more of his cuteness.

And in other serious events, I did the almost same tactic for my own pleasure. And take other oppurtunities acting subtle as usual. I'm probably desperate... but I guess i need some entertainment. For fun for fun!

And telling this to Jo made me realize that I'm having a major crush. No I am so not in love...i told myself to stay away already. I don't wanna get married!

There was once this time-stopping moment, which Jo said it was a 'flirt'. But can I deny that?

Then comes a night to remember... although I hate more than half of it, mostly due to the fact I couldn't finish revising for test, but I am glad that I forced myself to go...

Only telling me some minor stuff which he didnt tell others... (okay another perasan mode!) then displaying other cute stuff. And took a glimpse of his serious face which is KAKKOI! Actually, that night I was playing cold again, choosing a random chair... but automatically he chose to sit next to me. Coincidence kot. I chose to be in denial again. Face it...I'm probably the only colleague he is comfortable with...so I could be just a friend to LOL with during a boring discussion. We're rude, I know. And little do I expect random things that comes from my mouth is responded with something more than I could ask for (up to the point I asked him to stop lol cos the rudeness towards others is just too much).

...I couldn't sleep that night. BECAUSE I CONSUMED SOME CAFFEINE, OKAY??

It's not like I'm in cloud nine or anything >///>

...or am I? Now I'm starting to get worried. I thought I could just remain it as a crush but my feelings betray me by stepping up to another level. And I DO NOT WANT to admit it. Because I know after this ends, our bond will end with a 'poof' too. And we may not ever see each other again in the coming months... there goes another eyecandy. But I usually don't worry this much over an eyecandy. O_O;;

Jo told me to confess.

That idea doesn't sound to bad...but Hey I'm not that daring/straight-forward. (i am a tsundere, ne?)

I'm not even sure about my feelings either... I could've made the wrong move or fall for the wrong person (whoops I've said it!). I've always fear the risk of getting rejection, and the more reason I want to GTFO.

It will end soon. Knowing that, I can't help feeling a little pinch in my guts. This cannot be serious... T_T

-----

Hmm I don't exactly remember when I wrote that. but worry not, things are pretty much fine now. I have made my decision!

Although I still like him, I have no desire to capture him as my significant other or whatsoever. Thinking about the way I was in my previous relationship, it is clear that I am obsessed with my own privacy and I wouldn't want anyone to invade my space (be it physically or mentally). Meaning, I like to keep things to myself. Even if I am involved in a new relationship, chances are that I won't be able to tell a boyfriend everything - since today's trend of having boyfriends is to treat them like 'husbands' (even if you do not commit adultery, what difference would it make when you marry?).

I find bliss in one-sided affection. Yes, call me weird...... but I am! XD
I'm satisfied with our friendship. Besides, there is one thing about him that turned me off. Maybe I'd confess to him at a critical moment - where it should be (almost) impossible for us to go one step further. But the impossible is pretty much obvious already considering the difference of our heritage and beliefs. D:

In conclusion: I WANNA BECOME AN OLD LADY LIVING WITH 30+ CATS!!
(xde kaitan pon hwahahaha!)